babies
if you kinda, somewhat know me, you would know that i love babies. i can’t wait to be a mother some day. and i’m always asking my married friends when they’re having babies so i can play with their babies. children can bring so much joy and laughter. a simple smile from a child can brighten up your entire day. one tiny fear that i had before coming here was that i wouldn’t be able to find anybody and by the time i return home, i would be too old to get married and have babies…(the tiny fear still exists but i don’t dwell over it.) =)
i’ve been falling in love with a baby from the local orphanage, and i don’t say this lightly. i wish i could take her home. every time i go there, i hold her for a little while, and she never makes a fuss. she just looks at me longingly…like she’s saying, take me out of this place (or so i think). she’s always sleeping in the same spot, so i go straight to her. sometimes i wonder if she’ll go into foster care soon…though i want that for her, i self-fishly want her to stay so i could see and hold her again.
but today she made a fuss. i laid her down, and she started crying and crying so i picked her up again, walked around for a little while, then laid her down again. and she started crying again. i’ve never seen her cry. it was a hot day so i could see beads of sweat along her forehead and huge teardrops coming out of her eyes. it was so sad. i didn’t know what else to do but to stand there, look at her longingly, then walk away.
i walked away. then i again thought about the possibility of fostering. i could offer her a home, clean clothes, never-ending holding and playing. anything is better than living in the orphanage. but i know i can’t right now…it would be too hard on the child and me if i were to just foster for a month…
so now i’m thinking about adopting. when i am able to, i would like to adopt. and i’m encouraging my chinese friends to foster and/or adopt when they are able to…maybe you should consider too. =)
You’ll make an amazing mom, Amy.
One thing I’ve learned in my program is that our first 2 years pretty much determines our character for the rest of our lives… in those years we decide if we can trust other people (to hold us, calm us down, take care of us), or if the world is essentially hostile and we need to fend for ourselves. It’s quite hypocritical of me to encourage you to hold on to the idea of fostering or parenting, since Jack and I are staying far away from the idea of child-rearing at the moment. But every time you talk about parenting, I hope you get to do it someday. I’m glad that baby girl has you visiting her for now.
thanks christine!
it makes me wonder…what about the kids at the orphanage…or kids who grew up with no parents…is there no hope for them?